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In the seventh turning hour
Will the victims shadow fall?
Should the irony grow hungry?
With the victory and all they sought for... |
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And when the answer that you want,
is in the question that you state
Come what may.
Come what may.
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| life can only go down from here. I hope this weekend i fun.
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| I feel sick. My hearts too heavy. icant deal with this. this pain this feling of never having control this feeling of never helping always hurting always hurting myself how am i suppose to lead how am i suppose t oteach. what knid of person a mi who would listen who would care. iwrite down it dosent help i call out but it fails it all fails i fail how can i help when i cant help myself i see the faults in me and i cant change. i try to change but i cant i want to change but i cant now i feel sick and i cant move i cant sleep i need to sleep but i cant my mind wont stop thinking of you thinking of me thinking of everything that has gone wrong and can never be fixed scars that will always remain ive never healed easily i always rember the bad times the help me to hurt more.ive tried the one thing that always helps but it made it worse i calm my down i have to i need to sleep but my head hurts my stomach hurts and the only way my chest will stop is if i cease it function. i try to pray but i cant think everything coms at when i close my eyes the images get more vivd oh god why is this why is it this way how much more do i have to go through ove never broken a promise and i wont start at least not this one not one that i could never make up. too strong too overpowering i cant focus i try to write calm me down express whats going on but it helps very little. im the only guy i know whose tears fall so freely whose pai he can never hide sadness turns to anger and anger turns to broke things things that are hard to replace things that cant be replace i try to have restraint but it hard when anger takes over all the anger the anger for myself the anger for others im the one im the that so wicked s obad so evil why cant i be good i see things differntly im always the the wrong one even when im right im the wrong one its beat me and beat down i beat myself down its all i know now its my fault but feel like it is and i cant fix it i cant help weak i try to reach but i fail i always fail i need to sleep. i hate this life . Ill try again.
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| Pain comes and pain goes. But pain real pain last forever. Scarred for life. Bounded by fate of it. Me myself I love pain. I lust for pain. I need pain in my life or my life would be nothing. I tried really did. I tried to forget. I tried to ignore. I tried to disance myself. More then I wanted to. I told myself it'd be good for me. Or at least thats what I thought. But I was wrong. Pain manifested. Pain multiplied. Pain spread like a virus through my body. I tried I swear I tried. But the more I tried the more pain I felt. And now the time grows where I dont know what to do. i dont know what im gonna do. Im actually scared. Im never scared. But pain hurts. I dont want to feel it. Even if I am drawn to it. I feel sick when I feel it. I feel sick now. Maybe nothing will change. maybe itll go back to the way it was. I doubt it. Pain wont let it. Ill end up saying something foolish. Itll ruin me. Itll ruin eveything I had. I can try. I can try to keep my mouth shut. But the pain will make me throw up. Its a sickness. Its a disease. meds dont work. they just blanket the pain tell me that the pains alright. but its not alright. it sucks. Recurring thoughts always hurt. the fact that I cant let let go. But pain dosent want to let go. Pain only rembers pain. Never happiness. Good times are never good times becuase pain is always there. Why this be anything differnt. Espically now. Now when Im at the point of my most confused. my most lazyness. My most unwillingness to ANYTHING that is right. anything thats good. Good for me. Good for others. Good for God and my relatonship with him. Because Pain dosent like God. he makes me too happy. Pain is very good at manipulaton. It is very good at deciving. Pain and I have come a long way. Weve seen a lot. Weve done a lot. But now here comes the test. And like all things in my life I will fail. Pain is too strong. Back and theres nothing I can do.
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